Alice's Ever After Pt 1

Once upon a time there was a young naive little girl with golden locks of curls and the world at her feet, who felt it necessary to fall in love, if only just once more. Little did she know, that to give her heart would be to give her all and in the long run be her prevalent downfall. Such a stupid little girl on a quest for her happily-ever-after, she finds herself curled up in a ball of sorrowfulness, now traumatized and unaccompanied, she watches the walls close in on her. She is asking herself “Where the hell is my Price Charming?” Her spirit is raw and disheartened, for the acute infatuation possessing her has been contaminated with abomination. Her prince charming has incarcerated her and extorted all empathy, restraining her with unswerving antagonism. The abrupt cessation of their liaison is strenuous for the princess. The inscrutability of prince charming, as she bellows and howls over the abrasion is suffocating, and his nonattendance is sickening her, for he was like an exceedingly captivating drug, and now that her source has been cut off, it is incomprehensible. She trembles as she considers, “Could my prince charming be an enemy in disguise?” She is feeling vacant, yet the throbbing ache is nevertheless dominant and authentic, an unbearable thought that he will soon become analogous to an unoccupied cobweb in a dark room at the back of an abandoned house that know one has entered for years, and all have forgotten about. She repudiates to accept as true that this unfavourable happening will be unamendable. It seems as if she is swiftly twisting and descending into a depressive state of mind, as she listens to the velocity of her own heartbeat and observes her cheerfulness diminish to sprinkles of dirt. The princess theorizes everlasting love to be such a fictitious ideology. It is more so an illusory sentiment drenched with incapability and emblazoned untrue pretence. An investment based on trust and sincerity, failing due to false accusations, condemning the innocent with bitter-sweet verbals, so remarkably horrendous; an unattractive formulation of incidents, disfiguring her inside and out, yet she cannot succumb to the insensitive reality. A fraction of his dispute, is however equitable, and if only either of the two comprehended the much needed remorseful expression ‘sorry’. Submerged in a concoction of repugnance and sheer affection, they tussle to find the equilibrium, as the resentment accumulates and both fail to remember what in actuality permitted the despicable disagreement they are engulfed in. So flimsy, she wishes to contact prince charming but she can barely converse and her words are certainly to depart her lips misconstrued. The diminutive segment of hope left inside her is evaporating immensely. The wretchedness of the longing for him is indescribable, it is so enduring and unwarranted but unavoidable. All endorphins have dried up; this farewell is the hardest of all precedent before it. Questionable is how he could be so careless and saunter to the beat of an egotistical and self-absorbed man’s walk. How could prince charming proclaim he loves her indefinitely and wishes to meet her in holy matrimony, yet abandon her so willingly? The tears dripping down her face are becoming heavier and are drowning her. She wishes to persevere and unearth concession between them, before the egocentricity overtakes and the consequences become severe. He should have phoned by now, but his words would in all probability be callous and deceptive. Treacherous manipulation discontinues any intellectual competence as inexplicable desolation clasps her, and as the fury inflames. The princess begins to regret allowing herself to become so vulnerable. She is gazing into the mirror and notices her lonely silhouette and begins to cry once again for her prince charming is not beside her. Is she really the malicious little bitch he proclaims her to be? The irritation of infuriation is a difficult sentiment to deal with, such an insurmountable uglification, uncovering the corruptibility and lack of remorsefulness. Pondering as to when she will awaken from this nightmare; the princess is consumed by the pain he has caused her. She wishes she could rewrite their pages. The princess is enraged with herself for taking a leap into the obscurity of love, jeopardising everything for a man and for being such an asinine to presuppose that this time would be different; this time the relationship would be victorious. She is miserable and despondent; her head is full with little voices screeching a million things at her; so many questions with so little answers. The princess does not want to concede conquer. She cannot, and will not, acknowledge that her prince charming has departed from her side forever, for this little girls’ heart cannot take another breaking. She is sure that God brought him into her life, and that he intended for them to live their lives as one. She inquires within herself; “What did I do that was so erroneous?” “How did I let this fail?” and more imperatively, “ How can I get my prince charming back?” So dazed and perplexed, the princess feels like all sanity has left her, nothing is making any sense and her life entails no commonsensical succession. She feels like a headless chicken running around in circles, she is engulfed in a throbbing twinge and she is misplaced, spinning downwards rapidly and prince charming is no where to be seen; he cannot save her. She will somehow have to save herself, and with any luck, along the way save them. But the princess’s brain wave is stressed and anxious, she maintains no logical impressionable thought. She wants to tell him that she will always be there for him, that even in all his despair she will always have feelings for him and that he will forever more he her saviour. But his attitude has altered recently, and he is seemingly inadequate, lacking the willingness to pay heed and the conversation soon becomes boring as the princess seems to talk to herself.

And then unexpectedly, it hits her hard like blunt shards of glass to her chest. He has departed ceaselessly. She regurgitates the existence they shared, grudgingly. But it is what it is - the consequences of an unfortunate occurrence, reiterating stabbing her in the back as she falls deeper into the big black hole – just like Alice did. However, unlike Alice the mysterious wonderland she found was not full of contented amiable characters: no Cheshire cat to give her informative (however bewildering) instructions. Instead all that this little girl found was the callous and unpleasant truth of what the wise one’s called “reality” and the theory that “all good things come to an end”. But was their affiliation ever “good”? Their quarrels were forcefully concentrated and dominant. Prince charming’s greatest weapon in their battles was his verbal poetry. And as much as the princess challenged within herself to hold her head high, he would crush her without even a flinch of emotion. She had so much to say but she could barely utter one word, for his game was dirty and she had forgotten how to play. As his piece moved forward on the chessboard, it made her feel sick in the stomach as she walked down those stairs for the last time towards her horse and carriage, in tears to ride off and away from their castle. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, but the unravelling of their affiliation was speedy. The princess is lost in a whirlwind of unwelcome emotions, she has no place to go; there is no place for her to hide. The princess cannot escape the nightmare, his face is everywhere, and her knowledge that she is not dreaming haunts her as her puffy and itchy eyes from crying are wide open; she cannot sleep. The princess endeavours to be somewhat industrious and as she walks down the alleyway of unadulterated torturous misery and there are a thousand unfamiliar persons neighbouring her, but all she visions his smile. She sits at home solitary, and his ghost is looking over her shoulder, murmuring the words of their concluding struggle.

A chaotic event in essence of the association of two individuals trying to be one, succumbing to the presence of their false hope and underlying issues from a frenzied earlier period. Perhaps it is just that their present affiliation, concurrent to the preliminary conditioning of their torturous pasts was responsive to the dependence of their precedent inaccuracies. A slight variation founded on their larger scale problems and behaviour for which neither initially saw in one another – “what if?” The sheer terror contained within, the inhalation of self-hate and the overwhelming insanity. The princess’s dreamtime becomes infected with the disease of a hopeless existence, guzzling a metaphoric glass of hate and resent, for prince charming has left, and life has become mind-numbing. Endurance and tolerance is mislaid, and the enquiry as to the rationale of subsistence becomes officious.